Do you think your parents were too strict when you were a child? If yes, they probably made you focus on your future every day as well as clean your room regularly and never skip homework. Many people have grown in families with strict parents who made us feel like we are being punished all the time.
Even though constant nagging is difficult to put up with, experts claim that strict parents actually raise more successful children. No matter how difficult you think your child was, one day you will probably thank your mother for it.
One professor from the University of Essex conducted a study that involved more than 15000 children aged 13-14 for a period of 6 years. The professor, Erica Rascon, stated “the measure of the expectations in this study reflects a combination of aspirations and beliefs about the likelihood of access to higher education declared by the majority of parents, in most cases the mother.” The study showed that successful people have highly demanding mothers.
The children that were more confident and secure had strict mothers with high expectations. The study showed that premature pregnancy in girls with persistent and nagging mothers was 4 % lower compared to the other children. These children were more likely to finish college and get a good job, no matter how unrealistic it sounds.
Professor Rascon also said: “In many cases we have success doing what they believe to be most convenient for us, even against our parents. “But no matter how much we want to avoid our parents, any recommendations form influence, albeit subtly in the decisions we make, but we believe that they are extremely personal”.
Kids with strict mothers consider them an enemy, however later in life they realize it was for their own good. Sooner or later, you will realize that your mother raised your right and that she prepared you well for what comes in life.
In short, there’s a battle between permissive parenting and authoritarian parenting:
In authoritarian parenting:
- Harsh discipline can lead to more rebellious children
- Strict discipline enforces the false idea that use of power is always right
- Child-parent relationships are absent of empathy, based on fear, and encourage bullying
- Children tend to be ‘good’ only when authorities are around, which fosters lying
In permissive parenting:
- Children’s desires are fulfilled at someone else’s expense
- The lack of healthy limitations doesn’t allow children to learn self-management and impose their own limits
- Parents tend to be wishy washy on things that should not be compromised
- Legitimate feelings of sadness and disappointment become intolerable (because parents do everything they can do keep their children from experiencing them)
Authoritative Parenting: A Fine Balance
No matter what side you choose, permissive and authoritarian parenting are two extremes that each have their flaws. In short, neither really works (in the long-term, at least). What does work well is authoritative parenting. It marries the empathy found in permissive parents and the healthy limits set by strict ones.
At the end of the day, each child-parent relationship is unique. Freedom, by virtue of its meaning, requires limitations. For example, the reason you allow your kids the freedom to play in the backyard that backs onto the road is because the backyard is fenced off. Otherwise they could run into traffic. So, while limitations may seem too strict sometimes, there’s no reason you can’t also exhibit love at the same time.
That’s what we’ll call them: Loving Limits.